What should I do? This was the jiva’s constant dilemma. The jiva was always trying to figure out the best way forward. Should I order the chicken or the pasta? Which will bring me more happiness?
When the understanding finally sank in recently that I am the NON-DOING witness of all that arises, it was seen clearly that I, awareness, don’t make decisions. Freedom from choice may not seem like a big deal, but trying to decide what will make the jiva happy was often a source of great anxiety and suffering.
We hear it and read it constantly that awareness is not the doer but what does this actually mean in the everyday life of the jivanmukta? From the perspective of the jivanmukta it means freedom from trying to manipulate my environment to attain happiness. It means freedom from the anxiety of trying to decide what to do next. The mind often has a terrible time trying to decide because every choice has pros and cons. What the mind of this jivanmukta is finally starting to realize is that life is indeed a zero sum game.
Some anxiety over decisions still arises but it’s almost immediately seen thru. From the perspective of awareness, this whole charade is now wrapped in peace and contentment. The worry around decision-making has diminished dramatically because it’s seen that I am awareness and what happens doesn’t affect me. All actions and decisions ultimately come from the dharmafield. Why does this jivanmukta decide to watch the sunset rather than monster trucks? The dharmafield has made him this way.
The old thinking was “What can I do to find happiness?” The problem was that any happiness I did find was temporary. Worse, the more I fed the desire engine the more I desired. Desires still arise but knowing that giving into them will only produce temporary happiness and more of the same desires, deflates them quickly. This jivanmukta is becoming content with what is. No need to chase anything or run away from anything.
What will I do next? I, awareness don’t do anything. The jivanmukta will do whatever the impersonal dharmafield dictates. Does it matter to me, awareness? Not in the least.
There are basically two “channels” that the apparent individual can tune into. Knowing which “channel” is appropriate for which purpose and how to navigate between the two is what constitutes the actualization of self-knowledge within the realm of the dharma-field (i.e., apparent reality).
When the apparent person seeks entertainment (including subtle psycho-emotional states of being), education, or opportunities to serve or consciously contribute to the cohesive functioning of the dharma-field, then he tunes into the “channel” of experience.
When he seeks a sense of infallible security, completeness, and perfection, then he tunes into the “channel” of self-knowledge.
Remember, even knowledge is only a reflection of pure awareness appearing in the “mirror” of a sattvic (i.e., calm, quiet, pure) mind and, thus, is not itself the self and, thus, does not in and of itself constitute moksha (i.e., liberation).
Both “channels” are objects appearing within the scope of pure awareness. The jivanmukta (i.e., one who is liberated while still embodied) knows that his true identity is pure awareness and at the same time is able to fulfill his apparent dharma and play out his prarabdha karma (i.e., desire-inspired action slated for expression through the vehicle of the mind-body-sense complex with which pure awareness is currently associated) within the context of the apparent reality.
Your comments reflect this very understanding. It seems that knowledge now allows you to function freely within the apparent boundaries of your own manifest form.
Namaste, my friend.